Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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