No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
