i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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