I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
