your thong is hanging out like whoa
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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