I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
