Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
