i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
