weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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