I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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