nut hugger
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
