honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
