Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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