I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
