I wish I could punch you in the face.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
