He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
