I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
