D3 body, D1 cock
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
