WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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