we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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