Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
