Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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