Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
