Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
