I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
