im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
