to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
