so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
if only i could text you this smell
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
