The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
