the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
