he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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