I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
