Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
