You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
