I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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