i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
