It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
