I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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