I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
