I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
