i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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