I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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