i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
