$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
kristin has been a bad kristin
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
