highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
