Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
