if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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