I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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