whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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