How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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