It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
