CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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